One of the labels that was placed on my youngest was ADHD. He has always been extremely intelligent with a very active and creative mind. He had a hard time sitting still in the early school years. He had a hard time focusing in a classroom that bored him. And while his teachers always went toward labeling him ADHD, he was not. He was the perfect example of an Edison Trait child.
When I got hold of the book Dreamers, Discoverers and Dynamos by Dr. Palladino, I immediately connected with my son, his personality, his genius, and his struggles.
In the book, Palladino explains the Edison Trait child. Like young Edison, they are easily distracted and disorganized, but also wildly imaginative and inventive.
They have an overly creative and active mind. Edison couldn’t sit still in school. He was easily distracted and didn’t pay attention. He could not conform to the traditional school setting and was labeled as “dunce”. But as we all know, he was anything but stupid. He just didn’t fit into the common way of learning.
Edison Trait children are divergent thinkers whereas the school system is designed for convergent thinkers.
“The brains of Edison-trait children are misunderstood, not inferior. As students they are attentionally disadvantaged because we punish, and fail to appreciate, their unique creative slant. They get blamed for not completing desk work in the allotted time. They are scolded for not staying in their seats until recess. They are forced to work at an unsuitable tempo, and then get graded down for poor handwriting, and errors in grammar, spelling, and math facts. These outcomes are inevitable artifacts of a mismatched approach.
We teach to their weaknesses, not to their strengths. We insist that they see things our way, but we won’t see things theirs. These children are stunningly divergent. They are on a quest for discovery, exploration, and stimulation. Surely we can be flexible and accommodate their style. They can and will develop convergent skins, but only if their desire to learn is protected and kindled with success.” – Edison Project
The wandering mind
When I would read to him as a child, he would randomly ask a question about something that I read 10 pages ago. See, he would hear something that intrigued him, for example, a bird in a tree, and his mind would go off on thoughts about the bird, the tree and possibilities of why the bird was in the tree, what the bird looked like, etc. and he wouldn’t hear any of the next 10 pages because he was absorbed in his own imagination.
The schools do not understand this type of brain nor do they want to deal with it. But the truth is, more and more kids are having the same issues at school as we become more established in the information age, and the schools really need to adjust.
Don’t do this to a Child with ADHD or Edison Trait
The problem with an ADHD child is not that they can’t sit still or focus. The problem starts when everyone starts to treat them like they are stupid. When they start to be reprimanded and punished for “bad” behavior, and when they start to be put in remedial classes. All of these are the worst thing you can do for an ADHD child.
First, taking a child with too much energy and making them sit more to read at play times so they can “catch up” only frustrates them more.
Treating a child like this as if they are stupid because they do not learn the same as other kids, only makes them believe they are stupid, and in reality, they are extremely intelligent. By making them think they are stupid, they become underachievers. And these are kids who could be the next super inventor! They want to overachieve, just not in the typical school, book and test environment.
And punishing a child who is acting out because they are being treated as if they are stupid, or that something is wrong with them for not being able to sit still, or because they have more impulsive behaviors, is only making it worse. This creates resentment, anger, and alienates the child.
So what can you do
Tell your child every single day how amazing and smart they are. I believe my son is a genius. He has a memory that memorizes movies word for word after only watching is 2-3 times. He remembers exact details from the past right down to the shoes someone was wearing. But he felt stupid! I pulled him out of school twice during his 12 years and homeschooled him because he came home with nightmares about failing the tests, being teased, and even the teacher making him feel stupid. So it is vital to remind your child how smart they are and how the current school system just can’t handle their creativity and their energy.
Consider Homeschooling if you have the opportunity. Be sure to join lots of classes and groups to keep your child socializing since this can be a challenge for many ADHD kids. When my son was in 3rd grade and he struggled with learning his times tables, I starting a homeschool program with him where I jumped on the trampoline with him and did his times tables. He learned in 2 sessions and never forgot them! And the school took him out of play time and put him in a remedial reading class that bored him and made him feel stupid, I put him in advanced books that I read with him, he read one page and I read one page, where I would tell him the big words that he didn’t know and they were easy for him to learn since he is a memory reader. He picked up on words quickly and was reading above grade level by the end of the year. We literally spent less time doing school work and he was able to explore and play while learning more.
If homeschooling is not an option, then talk to the school and your child’s teachers and show them how you understand the issues and how you will work with them to help your child, but you need them to work with you. Let them know it is not ok to put your child in special remedial classes unless they are active and geared towards one on one help with your child’s specific needs. Be firm about not letting them pull your child from any activities or play time as a punishment or for extra sit down learning time. Your child needs time to clear their head and let their minds wander. Without some free time, they will not improve and will often get worse.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Many many parents who have kids who are active, think differently, and struggle with the traditional school system and being “understood” develop Oppositional Defiant Disorder. My son suffered with this and still struggles with feeling like he is misunderstood and that no one believes he is smart. This behavior is so clearly a result of the environment of what these kids go through when they do not feel like anyone understands them or cares about what they think.
I’m not an expert, but I can tell you what I did and how I believe it is the best method. I talked to a therapist and I did alot of reading, had a good support system of his older siblings, and we talked about issues and most importantly, listened.
So #1 is Listen to your child
Create a judgment free zone where your child can tell you their frustrations. Speak to them like an adult, not like a stupid child. I always told my son that the most important thing to me was that he succeed in life, and that he be able to pursue his passions, and that learning how to deal with people who are not as wise as him on different personalities and behaviors, is something that would help him succeed. My son was not good at telling me his issues. He would explode them at me. We have had some intense arguments. But I have always told him afterwards that I love him intensely and only want whats best for him.
Apologizing to your child does wonders. It lets them know they are not the only one who is not perfect.
Show unconditional love. Let your child know that you believe in them and while you will never be able to fully understand their challenges, you are there to support them.
Don’t reprimand. This is a hard one, but I truly believe a big problem in dealing with ODD kids is that they feel completely misunderstood and people are constantly telling them how to act. Rather than tell them how to behave, tell them how their behavior affects you, their siblings and others. Teach them how to be empathetic of others who can’t understand them rather than telling them to be like others.
Keep in mind, the years of dealing with this challenging behavior are going to be difficult. You will constantly be questioning your decisions, your reactions to your child, and you may have moments of wanting to give up. But don’t!
Beautiful things await at the end of this challenge
After going through 12 difficult years of dealing with the schools and my son’s challenges, my son graduated high school and worked amazingly hard in his senior year to catch up and get done. He proved to everyone that he could do it, because he really wanted to do it. And that is a huge key in raising an ADHD child. They have to see the big picture that makes them WANT to do the work. You can’t make them, but you can help show them the big picture of not doing the work vs doing the work.
My son has an entrepreneur spirit just like me. He has goals he wants to achieve in his life, and in his senior year, when he realized the thing blocking him from achieving and getting on with his life, was getting done with high school, he busted his butt to get done!
The amazing thing to me is how he has become incredibly insightful and how he sees the world, behaviors and people with an understanding that most people of any age don’t have. He went from being the child who struggled with school and friendships, struggled with learning and writing, struggled with ODD and feeling rejected by the world, to being a socially well-adjusted extremely liked and an impressive young man. He has written scripts for movies, become extremely knowledgable of the film and movie making industries, gets out and meets people in the industry doing freelance work, all while working on his own productions.
This ADHD (edison trait) kid is truly amazing!